Hi!! Remember me?
Guess its been a while since my last update (Sept 1st) so I am forcing myself to sit down and write a bit before I get out of practice!
Sooooo, I am scheduled for another MRI later this month with a follow-up appt on November 27th. Again I'll be hoping for another 3 month "ticket to life". Its difficult living this way some days...not knowing what lurks around the corner. The same I suppose, could be said for all of us but when you have a "known" terminal condition, it just keeps you on your toes I guess.
Ok, on to some more upbeat news....I FINALLY got my driver's licence back. 14+ months of not being allowed to drive (legally) was pretty stressful. Thank you to my family and friends who were there for me to assist. I cannot however, give thanks to our gov't for being compassionate of my situation. I'm truly disappointed that it took over two and a half months PAST the required time for me to be "seizure-free" for the gov't to review and approve my application. Between the M.T.O. and the F.R.O., I'm not sure which ministry needs more of an overhaul!! Oh, and the other condition of me retaining my licence is that I get "road-tested". How ironic that our gov't decided to farm out the DRIVETEST centres, only for them to go on strike now! They have been on strike since August 21st with no agreement on the horizon. At least they have given me until February of next year to accomplish this. I feel for the young kids who are anxiously waiting to get their G2 licence. I guess the $110 million dollars that we taxpayers are doling out over a 10 year term is not good enough for the now privatized DRIVETEST (owned by Serco DES Inc) The Provincial gov't has also politely informed me in writing that they "will NOT intervene although there is a mediator available to help the parties reach an agreement at the bargaining table." UGHH!!! Ok, 'nuf said about that!
Had a wonderful, relaxing trip to the island of St.Maarten in October. I'm ready to go back already though! Met some nice Canadian folks down there and the food, accomodations and service was terrific!
Faith is back playing indoor soccer again this year. Thank goodness I have my licence back to attend every Sunday....and I am coaching also. I would have loved to have coached outdoor as well but my leg would not be able to handle it.
On a final note (and I still am at odds with the whole concept of it) I am officially retired from Cami Automotive Inc as of this past November 1st. Cami was a huge part of my life, I loved my job and the people I worked with (although I'm sure some would say I have a funny way of showing it!) I miss that place. I miss being able to help "make a difference".
Until the next post....
Ed
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sept 1/2009
Wow, September 1st already. Hard to believe that summer has came and gone pretty much already. I think I missed the 2 weeks of summer we DID have...probably moving or some other mundane task.
The Day Surgery I was scheduled for today has been pushed out until this Thursday Sept 3/09. I'm sure they just didn't have a sharp enough knife available yet to get through my thick head! ( I can just visualize all the head-nodding going on after that comment!!)
Its been a bit of a tough go recently for me, both physically and emotionally. With the constant 24/7 head-aches and the still unexplained numbness in my face and hand, I guess I've begun to lose faith in my doctors. Perhaps there is no explanation for it all...who knows. I guess it just gets frustrating after a while. I have even gone so far as to adjust my own meds to try to alleviate some of the head-aches etc. Might not be the best decision to have made but I needed relief in some form.
Emotionally I guess this cancer stuff just wears on you. I've been trying to "live" since January 2008 with a prognosis of 1.5 to 2 years and then here I am, about 1 year and 8 months into it and find myself living for every 3 months (MRI every 3 months) and just awaiting the day to come when they tell me....."its back". Yeah, I know....not the most positive thought in the world but a true thought of mine....and this is my place to voice it I guess. I find myself just wanting to retreat more and more often "into the cave" just to get away from it all. The highlight of my life is still my daughter Faith, but when she is here, I find it harder and harder to cope with the everyday antics of an 8 year old. Unfortunately, she gets the crappy end of the stick really. Not having a Dad who can do all the fun things that a Dad should be doing with his daughter.
Hopefully things will take a turn for the better once I get my license back. That is, if the M.O.T. Medical Review Board feels that I am now medically fit enough to drive!! I've put in the time they want being seizure-free (1 year) but now its all the governmental red tape and the waiting game. I have truly learned how much driving IS a privilege and not a right over the past while.
Anyways, thats enough of my gripes and whines for now....gotta save some for another blog!
Bare with me if I'm a little "distant" for a while. I think I need to re-group and re-charge the batteries somehow. I am considering a trip soon if all the medical issues would slow down and co-operate just for a bit! I would love to just get away, even if its by myself...just to re-align my thoughts and outlook.
Take care and I'll see you when the cobwebs have cleared!
Ed
The Day Surgery I was scheduled for today has been pushed out until this Thursday Sept 3/09. I'm sure they just didn't have a sharp enough knife available yet to get through my thick head! ( I can just visualize all the head-nodding going on after that comment!!)
Its been a bit of a tough go recently for me, both physically and emotionally. With the constant 24/7 head-aches and the still unexplained numbness in my face and hand, I guess I've begun to lose faith in my doctors. Perhaps there is no explanation for it all...who knows. I guess it just gets frustrating after a while. I have even gone so far as to adjust my own meds to try to alleviate some of the head-aches etc. Might not be the best decision to have made but I needed relief in some form.
Emotionally I guess this cancer stuff just wears on you. I've been trying to "live" since January 2008 with a prognosis of 1.5 to 2 years and then here I am, about 1 year and 8 months into it and find myself living for every 3 months (MRI every 3 months) and just awaiting the day to come when they tell me....."its back". Yeah, I know....not the most positive thought in the world but a true thought of mine....and this is my place to voice it I guess. I find myself just wanting to retreat more and more often "into the cave" just to get away from it all. The highlight of my life is still my daughter Faith, but when she is here, I find it harder and harder to cope with the everyday antics of an 8 year old. Unfortunately, she gets the crappy end of the stick really. Not having a Dad who can do all the fun things that a Dad should be doing with his daughter.
Hopefully things will take a turn for the better once I get my license back. That is, if the M.O.T. Medical Review Board feels that I am now medically fit enough to drive!! I've put in the time they want being seizure-free (1 year) but now its all the governmental red tape and the waiting game. I have truly learned how much driving IS a privilege and not a right over the past while.
Anyways, thats enough of my gripes and whines for now....gotta save some for another blog!
Bare with me if I'm a little "distant" for a while. I think I need to re-group and re-charge the batteries somehow. I am considering a trip soon if all the medical issues would slow down and co-operate just for a bit! I would love to just get away, even if its by myself...just to re-align my thoughts and outlook.
Take care and I'll see you when the cobwebs have cleared!
Ed
Friday, August 21, 2009
Update August 21/2009
Well that was a busy day!
No major findings on today's MRI with the exception of a build-up of scar tissue. My doctor had not seen the "full report" when I seen him but had quickly viewed the scan.
I will be going in for Day Surgery on Sept 1/09 to have them attempt to close the hole on the top of my head (that has been there since Aug 2008). The Plastic Surgeon is concerned there may be bone and/or skin infection. From what he says, they will cut it approx 3 inches,peel it back and investigate their findings and hopefully only have to remove some "junk". Still no guarantee the hole will heal and close properly with this method due to the radiated skin involved but this is option #2 (option #1 being just to monitor and hope it takes care of itself) If this does not work then it may have to be grafted.
I suppose I should be a bit happier about my results today but I'm just feeling physically and mentally exhausted.
Take care
Ed
No major findings on today's MRI with the exception of a build-up of scar tissue. My doctor had not seen the "full report" when I seen him but had quickly viewed the scan.
I will be going in for Day Surgery on Sept 1/09 to have them attempt to close the hole on the top of my head (that has been there since Aug 2008). The Plastic Surgeon is concerned there may be bone and/or skin infection. From what he says, they will cut it approx 3 inches,peel it back and investigate their findings and hopefully only have to remove some "junk". Still no guarantee the hole will heal and close properly with this method due to the radiated skin involved but this is option #2 (option #1 being just to monitor and hope it takes care of itself) If this does not work then it may have to be grafted.
I suppose I should be a bit happier about my results today but I'm just feeling physically and mentally exhausted.
Take care
Ed
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Update August 8/2009
Hi all:
Its been quite a busy past few months with moving TWICE and taking care of all that comes with that. I think I've finally settled into a place that suits my needs physically. That basement apartment I was in might as well had an entrance sign saying "Welcome to the Dungeon". I guess for someone of sound body and mind it may have been ok but it certainly wasn't good for me.
Physically, my body is struggling. I'm sure all the moving etc has not helped the situation but it had to be done. My left leg seems to be getting weaker and weaker. I'm waiting for the day that I seriously sprain or break my ankle. I do have a brace for it but even after 3 fittings, I still cannot wear it for more than a couple of hours. Once I'm settled here, I'll try to re-work it so that I can at least wear it for more than 2 hours.
I'm not too impressed with the London Regional Cancer Clinic as of late. It seems my scheduled MRI's are getting pushed out to around every 4 months instead of every 3 months. Oh well, typical cost-saver I guess ;) A harder pill to swallow is the issue of my license. My Oncologist wrote to the Ministry of Transportation a few months back stating that I have been seizure-free and he felt that I was ok to drive. They wrote back stating that they wanted me to have a min. of 1 year seizure-free status before re-instating my license. I understand the laws etc so I was ok with that. Now my Oncologist is making me wait until my next appt (August 21st) to "discuss" it then. Well by the time all the medical and gov't red tape is waded through, summer will be over and Faith will be back is school. I guess I'll have to wait until Thanksgiving or something like that to take her on a trip.I'm sure there will be a welcoming party for me at the LRCC on the 21st since I was so pleasant with them over the phone this week! lol NOT!
I'd like to thank everyone who lent a hand with my move to the new house. I could not have done it without you and I truly appreciate all your help. ( I also appreciate the offers of help from people that I didn't end up calling on) Its nice to know that you are all there to help in my time of need :)
So.....upcoming MRI on August 21st at 5:30am...Cancer doctor appt same day at 9am.....then a Plastic Surgeon appt at 11am same day to deal with the hole in my head that hasn't healed in a year!
Over the next month or so, I hope to re-connect with you all and attempt to have some type of social contact!!
Thanks for your patience,
Ed
Its been quite a busy past few months with moving TWICE and taking care of all that comes with that. I think I've finally settled into a place that suits my needs physically. That basement apartment I was in might as well had an entrance sign saying "Welcome to the Dungeon". I guess for someone of sound body and mind it may have been ok but it certainly wasn't good for me.
Physically, my body is struggling. I'm sure all the moving etc has not helped the situation but it had to be done. My left leg seems to be getting weaker and weaker. I'm waiting for the day that I seriously sprain or break my ankle. I do have a brace for it but even after 3 fittings, I still cannot wear it for more than a couple of hours. Once I'm settled here, I'll try to re-work it so that I can at least wear it for more than 2 hours.
I'm not too impressed with the London Regional Cancer Clinic as of late. It seems my scheduled MRI's are getting pushed out to around every 4 months instead of every 3 months. Oh well, typical cost-saver I guess ;) A harder pill to swallow is the issue of my license. My Oncologist wrote to the Ministry of Transportation a few months back stating that I have been seizure-free and he felt that I was ok to drive. They wrote back stating that they wanted me to have a min. of 1 year seizure-free status before re-instating my license. I understand the laws etc so I was ok with that. Now my Oncologist is making me wait until my next appt (August 21st) to "discuss" it then. Well by the time all the medical and gov't red tape is waded through, summer will be over and Faith will be back is school. I guess I'll have to wait until Thanksgiving or something like that to take her on a trip.I'm sure there will be a welcoming party for me at the LRCC on the 21st since I was so pleasant with them over the phone this week! lol NOT!
I'd like to thank everyone who lent a hand with my move to the new house. I could not have done it without you and I truly appreciate all your help. ( I also appreciate the offers of help from people that I didn't end up calling on) Its nice to know that you are all there to help in my time of need :)
So.....upcoming MRI on August 21st at 5:30am...Cancer doctor appt same day at 9am.....then a Plastic Surgeon appt at 11am same day to deal with the hole in my head that hasn't healed in a year!
Over the next month or so, I hope to re-connect with you all and attempt to have some type of social contact!!
Thanks for your patience,
Ed
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Words to live by....
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your
friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry;
God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second
one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take
no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion, Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words......In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your
friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry;
God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second
one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take
no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion, Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words......In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
A sad day
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For anyone who has followed my blog on a regular basis, you will have heard me mention the 3 ladies from Cami who have been living with cancer along with myself. Its with a very heavy and saddened heart that I have to tell you we lost Beth Travis today. Beth fought the fight for almost 3 years I believe and was still able to smile right to the end.
I am so glad that I was able to visit with her at the Ingersoll Hospital this past Friday. I will always cherish that moment that her and I shared in her hospital room. She told me she was ready....couldn't take the pain anymore and wanted to be at peace.
I, along with the girls, will miss our lunch dates and Beth's smile and bubbly personality.
May you rest in eternal peace my dear friend.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
June 9/2009
Hello:
I apologize for the lack of blogs over the past month. I find that my life has been in a state of turmoil the past couple of months. I am desperately trying to fix that.
I was just informed that another friend of mine from high school has been diagnosed with the dreaded C-word. I wish this stuff would just go away. Lately I've been growing weary of the fight but I am sure I will snap out of it soon. I feel beaten right now....by an invisible enemy. An enemy who does not care whether it strikes a man, woman or child. I hate cancer with a passion.
I'm looking to move again. I am not looking forward to that either but as I sit here in what I refer to as the dungeon,(my basement apt) I know its in my best interest (health and sanity) to get out of here. Tomorrow (or later today I guess) I'm looking at a house to rent which I think I'd be much happier in. Its more expensive obviously but I think that I cannot allow my happiness for whatever time I have left, to be put on the back-burner.
On the brighter side of things.....I put a call into my local MPP's office to see if they could assist me in fast-tracking the return of my driver's license. My Oncologist wrote to the MTO on May 5th/09 stating he feels (in his professional opinion) I am competent to drive again. He also informed me of the gov't delays that I should expect. (a min. of 1-2 months for them to review it) So I'll just hurry up and wait I guess.
I'm back to not sleeping worth a hill of beans lately again. Not sure of the root cause and I can't be bothered telling the folks at the Cancer Clinic anymore because they just seem to dismiss it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I feel they do some fantastic work there and the staff are amazing...I just feel that a lot of times I'm looked upon as a formality to them when they see me, given my prognosis.
My Family Doctor put me on some "happy pills" a while ago that I think are starting to kick in. Between those and some sleeping pills....all the world will be right again! lol
Not really sure what else to add except that my next MRI will be in July.
My thoughts and prayers are always still with my 3 Cami girls and now also with Steve P.
Later
Ed
Anyways, back to the MPP....they have contacted the MTO and were given the response that my "case is too difficult for everyday staffers" so they are going to involve a Specialist of some sort to deal with it. Whatever!!! My MPP's office said they are supposed to get some more information by June 17/09 and will contact me then.
I apologize for the lack of blogs over the past month. I find that my life has been in a state of turmoil the past couple of months. I am desperately trying to fix that.
I was just informed that another friend of mine from high school has been diagnosed with the dreaded C-word. I wish this stuff would just go away. Lately I've been growing weary of the fight but I am sure I will snap out of it soon. I feel beaten right now....by an invisible enemy. An enemy who does not care whether it strikes a man, woman or child. I hate cancer with a passion.
I'm looking to move again. I am not looking forward to that either but as I sit here in what I refer to as the dungeon,(my basement apt) I know its in my best interest (health and sanity) to get out of here. Tomorrow (or later today I guess) I'm looking at a house to rent which I think I'd be much happier in. Its more expensive obviously but I think that I cannot allow my happiness for whatever time I have left, to be put on the back-burner.
On the brighter side of things.....I put a call into my local MPP's office to see if they could assist me in fast-tracking the return of my driver's license. My Oncologist wrote to the MTO on May 5th/09 stating he feels (in his professional opinion) I am competent to drive again. He also informed me of the gov't delays that I should expect. (a min. of 1-2 months for them to review it) So I'll just hurry up and wait I guess.
I'm back to not sleeping worth a hill of beans lately again. Not sure of the root cause and I can't be bothered telling the folks at the Cancer Clinic anymore because they just seem to dismiss it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I feel they do some fantastic work there and the staff are amazing...I just feel that a lot of times I'm looked upon as a formality to them when they see me, given my prognosis.
My Family Doctor put me on some "happy pills" a while ago that I think are starting to kick in. Between those and some sleeping pills....all the world will be right again! lol
Not really sure what else to add except that my next MRI will be in July.
My thoughts and prayers are always still with my 3 Cami girls and now also with Steve P.
Later
Ed
Anyways, back to the MPP....they have contacted the MTO and were given the response that my "case is too difficult for everyday staffers" so they are going to involve a Specialist of some sort to deal with it. Whatever!!! My MPP's office said they are supposed to get some more information by June 17/09 and will contact me then.
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